Album: 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee Soundtrack

My Friend, The Dictionary

MR. PANCH (spoken)
Miss Ostrovsky, your word is boanthropy.

OLIVE (spoken)
Oh, wait. One second. Please ma’am, could you not sit in that seat?

OLIVE
I saved a chair for my dad
In the fourth row on the aisle
And it may take him a while
But when he gets here
That’s his chair

‘Cause my mother’s in an ashram
In India
I saved a chair for her too
But it’s merely symbolic
As daily she washes herself in the Ganges
And I live in a house
Where there’s an oversized dictionary
That I read
As a girl
On the toilet

I love my dictionary
And I love the indented border
Every word’s in alphabetical order
Ergo, lost things
Always can be found

And I wrap my head around
The fact that in one book
Is the entire language of our species
Which is a favorite term of Nicci’s
Who’s the great-grandfather of Christina Ricci’s
(Laughs)
Yes I joke, but the words in the dictionary
Are the friends that I’ll have forever
More than the friends I have made in school

BOY SPELLERS
She’s such a lovely girl
With a lovely little voice

LOGAINNE
And I heard that she’s pro-choice
Though still a virgin

MS. PERETTI
And she talks into her hand
An often used technique

OLIVE
What you do not understand
Is once I day is then I’ve said it

MS. PERETTI
And so much to her credit
She talks into her hand
And turns aside

OLIVE
So I will not make a mistake
And be disqualified
(spoken) Boanthropy. B-o-a-n-t-h-r-o-p-y? Boanthropy?

MR. PANCH (spoken)
That is correct.

OLIVE, MS. PERETTI
My friend the dictionary
Is a very reliable friend

OLIVE, MS. PERETTI, GIRLS
Doo doo doo doo doo doo
Ba da da da da da da