Album: There're All Gonna Laugh At You

The Buffoon And The Dean Of Admissions

Performed by Adam Sandler and Conan O' Brien :


And now a buffoon's meeting with the dean of admissions at a prestigious college.

Dean: Well Michael, I would like to extend my warmest congradulations on your upcoming graduation and I understand you are interested in matriculating here in the fall.

Buffoon: I got a snake, man!

Dean: Yes, pets are welcome here on campus. Be it the traditional dog, or cat, or even the occasional reptile.

Buffoon: One time I fed it some beer man! It was slithering this way and that! It was all fucked up!

Dean: I'm sure it was. Well we discourage inappropriate drinking among both students and pets here on campus.

Buffoon: Fuckin' Shit!

Dean: Yes, that's a not uncommon reaction to this policy. So tell me a little bit more about your background.

Buffoon: My father's a fucking asshole, man!

Dean: Hmm, I see. Your feelings of rebelion are not unusual at your age son.

Buffoon: My mother's a piece of shit too!

Dean: Well, I hope you can find an outlet for your hostility over the summer so you can come to school in the fall relaxed and ready to learn.

Buffoon: My teacher in high school was a stupid bitch, man! She had her head way up her ass!

Dean: Well the quality of the faculty at a University such as ours far exceeds that of a local public high school.

Buffoon: Your secretary's a real fat bitch, man!

Dean: Yes, she's tried many diets over the years with minimal success.

Buffoon: I had diarhea last month. I had to shit all fucking day!

Dean: Uh huh, Well we all get the occasional stomach bug, never a pleasurable experience. So have you given any thought to your choice of major?

Buffoon: I've got a big fucking boner right now.

Dean: I see. Well sexual arrousal is not uncommon during periods of nervous tension. I do not take offense.

Buffoon: One time I ate my neighbors shit!

Dean: That's understandable. Well, I enjoyed meeting you. We'll be sending you our decision by the end of the month.

Buffoon: I bet you got really hairy balls.

Dean: Yes, it's a veritable forest down there. Bye bye.