Album: Make Happy (2016)

Country Song (Pandering)

[Spoken:]
Instead of people actually telling their stories, you just got a bunch of millionaire metrosexuals that have never done a hard day's work in their lives. But instead of just sort of figuring out the phrases and the words that they can pander in their crowd with, they just sort of list thee words and phrases off, mad-lib style in every song and pander to them. Words like

Dirt road
A cold beer
A blue jeans
Red pickup
Rural noun, simple adjective
And then when you're not singing you just talk in the middle like this

No shoes
No shirt
No Jews
You didn't hear that
You also didn't not hear it

I walk and talk like a field hand
But the boots I'm wearing cost five grand
I write songs about riding tractors
From the comfort of a private jet

I can sing in mandarin
And still know I'm pandering
Hunting deer and chasing trout
Cold Bud Light with the logo facing out

Hear that subtle mandolin
That's textbook pandering
I own a private ranch that I rarely use

[Spoken:]
One verse, one chorus in the bag
Now it's time to talk to the ladies
I am hoping my Southern charm offsets all these rape-y vibes I'm putting out

Good girl
In a straw hat
With her arms out in a corn field
That's a scarecrow, sorry
Thought that was a human woman

Cold night
Cold beer
Cold jeans
Strike that last one

I want you
I hope you're feeling me
Once again just talking in the middle of it

We go to bed and you doze off
So I take your country girl clothes off
I put my hands on your body
It feels like hay, it's a fucking scarecrow again

Like Mike's Evander-ing
Fuck your ears I'm pandering
I write songs for the people who do
Jobs in the towns that I'd never move to

Legalize gerrymandering
Tolerate my pandering
You got a beautiful mouth
I got a beautiful dick

You dumb motherfuckers want a key change?

Thematically meandering
Empathetically pandering
I got a tight grip on my demo's balls
Say the word "truck" and they jizz in their overalls

You don't know what land you're in
I'm in the land of pandering
And I'll be upfront
I do what I do cause I'm a total fucking cun-try boy