Album: Let's Name Him Kev

Jacko Can't Get Up

A fair dinkum ozzie football legend, Jacko was
There weren't a man alive that didn't fear him on the footy ground because
They'd seen him rip a poor bloke's arm off once
Just snapped it off and then
He beat the bastard 'round the noggin with the soggy end
So when Jacko's mob played Almob in an exhibition game
I was told to play on Jacko
'Cause our rockman pulled up lame
And it was fear that got me airborne
When I beat him in the rut
And I heard their skipper whisper
Jesus, Jacko can't get up

Oi! Jacko can't get up
Oi! Jacko can't get up
Oi! What the fuckin' hell's going on?
'Cause Jacko can't get up

He was playing like a shielia's blouse
And I become inspired
And our runner's spread the word around
"Young fuckin' Kev's on fire!"
I outrucked him, I outmocked him, I outplayed him all around.
I outkicked him, I outrun him, here I'll run him in the ground
So when they moved him down to forward pocket
To try and catch his breath
Our coach said "go get him, Killer, don't let that bastard rest."
And when I went out for a screamer,
Me head collided with his guts
And he went down like a bag of shit
Shit, Jacko can't get up

Oi! Jacko can't get up
Oi! Jacko can't get up
I didn't feel a fucking thing
But Jacko can't get out

He was lying there in agony
And I thought he was toughed
But he was rollin' in a pool of mud
And clutching at his guts
Then their runner ran out to him
To find out what was wrong
Then the umpire, then the doctor,
Then they brought the stretcher on
And the game came to a standstill
And a hush fell 'cross the crowd
As they loaded him in someone's Ute
And drove off through the crowd.
And an old sheila started crying
"I think Jacko's fucked
They got him off at the hospital
'Cause Jacko can't get up"

Oi! Jacko can't get up
Oi! Jacko can't get up
Oi! Fight fair, you little bastards!
Jacko can't get up!

I was shouldered off a hero
Inundated by the press
They couldn't believe a country kid had beat Australia's best
And I couldn't believe it either
I felt sorry for the bloke
Until I walked into his ward
And the bastard grabbed me by the throat
He said "I've had diarrhea for seven days,
I shouldn't have even played
And when you tapped me in the guts like that
Me asshole gave away
And I shit meself, you little cunt, it had fuck all to do with you"
And when he started tugging at my arm, my asshole give way, too.

Oi! Jacko can't get up
Oi! Jacko can't get up
The nurse said Oi! Jacko can't get up
Oi! Just fuck off and leave him alone,
'Cause Jacko can't get up

No, Jacko can't get up
And he'll never live it down
'Cause he's given football up
And I'm still a hero in our town
And all I've said's fair dinkum
True as Jacko was his name
But if you don't believe me
Go ask Jacko
If you're fucking game!

Oi! Jacko can't get up
Oi! Jacko can't get up
I didn't feel a fucking thing
But Jacko can't get out

Oi! Jacko can't get up
Oi! Jacko can't get up
Oi! What the fuckin' hell's going on?
'Cause Jacko can't get up

Oi! Jacko can't get up
Oi! Jacko can't get up
Oi! Fight fair, you little bastards!
Jacko can't get up!

Oi! Jacko can't get up
Oi! Jacko can't get up
Just fuck off and leave him alone,
'Cause Jacko can't get up

Oi! Jacko can't get up
Oi! Jacko can't get up
The nurse said Oi! Jacko can't get up
I dropped him like a bag of shit
'Cause Jacko can't get up

Oi! Jacko can't get up
Oi! Jacko can't get up
I flattened him like a battery
'Cause Jacko can't get up