Album: other songs

Detachable Penis

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover,
and my penis was missing again.
This happens all the time.
It's detachable.
This comes in handy a lot of the time.
I can leave it home when I think it's going to get me in trouble,
or I can rent it out when I don't need it.
But now and then I go to a party,
get drunk,
and the next morning I can't for the life of me
rememberwhat I did with it.
First I looked around my apartment
and I couldn't find it,
so I called up the place where the party was,
they hadn't seen it either.
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet
coz for some reason,
I leave it there sometimes,
but not this time.
So I told them if it pops up
to let me know.
I called a few people who were at the party,
but they were no help either.
I was starting to get desperate.
I really don't like being without my penis for too long.
It makes me feel like less of a man
and I really hate to have to sit down every time I take a leak.
After a few hours of searching the house
and calling everyone I could think of,
I was starting to get very depressed,
so I went to the Kiev and ate breakfast.
Then as I walked down Second Avenue toward St. Mark's Place,
where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street,
I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven.
Some guy was selling it.
I had to buy it off him.
He wanted 22 bucks,
but I talked him down to 17.
I took it home,
washed it off,
and put it back on.
I was happy again.
Complete.
People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached,
but I don't know. Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass,
I like having a detachable penis.